If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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