I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
