I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
