you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
