Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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(708): View more from Illinois

We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."

(1-708): View more from Illinois

Let's do it. All homo

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(602): View more from Arizona

Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.

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(61): View more from Australia

You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.

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(940): View more from Texas

He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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(904): View more from Florida

Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.

(1-904): View more from Florida

I told you to check, dude

(904): View more from Florida

Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.

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(706): View more from Georgia

i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed

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