You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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