dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
