I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
