You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
