she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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