I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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