I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
