awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
