He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
