Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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