I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
