i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
