Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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