I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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