I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
