dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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