Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
