So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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