Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
