I am puke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
