Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
