Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
