Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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