I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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