Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
