it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
