ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
