tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize