i'm signing you up for texting rehab
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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