I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
