god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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