shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
