STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
