Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
