Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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