Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
