i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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