I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
