I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
