He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
