Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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