haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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