i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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