You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
