I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize