We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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