You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
