i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm too high and old for this...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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