just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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