I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your penis caused this!
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