i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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