Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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