3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
