Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
