She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
