He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
