yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she looked like the before picture.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
