I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
