Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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