It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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