he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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