dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
