I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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