get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
