Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
