Swine flu. Run for my life!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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