Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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