Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
