I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
