i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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