just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
