I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
