Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
