those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Damn victory sex feels great
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
