I've blown a few things in my day
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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