what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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