i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
