so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
