I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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