I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
