remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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