I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
