She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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