I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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