i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
