Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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